Hate That I Love You
by inuloveryasha
Summary: Yet, during the night as I lay just beyond the shadow of my slumber his face would thrust itself into my mind. It was always when I was sure no one was watching. When I knew I could be safe from exposure, as if thinking of him was one of the deadliest si


Well there once was this boy that I, Kagome Higurashi absolutely and irreverently had fallen in love with, but there was one problem, I hated his guts. He was so barbarically impertinent and insensitive. Everything he said made my veins flame up with such a strong hatred for him. The worst part, the one separation that I knew would not ever let us be together even if the Gods willed it, was what fuelled both my hatred and his. He was a demon, even worse a half-breed. While I, I was just a human girl.

Just recently human segregation had been outlawed and now both demons and humans were forced to integrate. To him I was an enemy, someone who had come to his world but did not belong there. I could feel the hatred he felt for me burning through the back of my head. The little comments he made, so obviously meant for my ears. This is what caused my own hatred for him.

Yet, during the night as I lay just beyond the shadow of my slumber his face would thrust itself into my mind. It was always when I was sure no one was watching. When I knew I could be safe from exposure, as if thinking of him was one of the deadliest sins. Only at these times he would come haunting my dreams. These were no ordinary dreams either. These dreams would fill me with such a great passion that I would wake up dripping in sweat. It was pure lust. Lust I felt for a boy, that I so hated, that would consume me with such shame and misery.

At school I was never brave enough to look straight at him but every now and again I would sneak a quick glance. But even just the sound of his voice flowing from behind me could send a shiver down my spine and cause goose bumps to rise at attention across my body.

Strangely, even though he consumed my every thought whether through my animosity or lust, I was content with watching from afar. However the fates were apparently not exactly in my favor.

One day, one horribly dreadful day, the fates suddenly turned against me. My peaceful world of watching from afar was shattered. I had to face the beautiful monster from my dreams.

It started as any other ordinary day would, slow and meaningless. I would have never suspected that total mortification was waiting in my wake. I arrived at school and went through all my classes as usual. Until finally there was only one class left, my favorite, English.

English was my favorite class for two reasons, the thrill of writing and reading and the fact that I got to be in touching distance of the boy from my dreams. At first it was painful having him sit right one row beside and one seat behind me, but gradually I got used to it and eventually it was even pleasant.

I still, however, would always get a bit nervous walking towards my seat, while having to watch his face. Not that there was anything wrong with looking at his angelic face but rather the fact that I knew my own face was engulfed in a fiery red heat that I could not control.

This day was no different as I quickly got into my seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of his face as he laughed at some joke with his friends. I braced myself for the sweet sound of his voice as it floated past my ears, "Aw man, that's so gay!", More laughter.

_Idiot_.

I couldn't help but role my eyes at his crude sense of humor.

_He's like a demon hiding inside an angel's body, drawing innocent girls like me into his corrupt web of deceit. The reason for my infatuation is way beyond me, probably his looks. I even bet…. _

My thoughts were interrupted as the teacher cleared his throat preparing to start the class. Everyone stopped their idle chatter to face the front of the room.

Mr. Walden was one of my favorite teachers. Standing around about 5'5" and in his late forties or early fifties, he was quit a small, funny looking man. Yet he made up for his height with his rather infinite amount of knowledge. He could always come up with exciting ways of teaching new material, like singing songs or making different art projects. He was the only teacher to ever make English really appeal to me and make me want to pursue writing.

"Well class, today is a very exciting day. We get to travel into the world of romantics and transcendentalism."

Hearing these words, the class let out a loud simultaneous groan.

"I know, I know. We all can't wait to get started. Now for our first lesson on the subject I have come up with a fun little project that will be due in about two weeks."

Another groan was released from the class.

"It does me good to hear the class so exulted that they can barely keep in their excitement, but please try to contain yourselves until I am finished speaking."

One more thing I loved about Mr. Walden, his great sense of sarcasm.

" Now for this project you will all be paired up in groups of two. I will pick your partners myself and afterwards give you the topic for your assignment."

Even though everyone else was whining, I couldn't wait to find out what the surprise project was going to be.

"Ok, partners. Julia and Mike, Liz and Taylor, Allie and Jordan…"

As Mr. Warden continued to name off partners, I recognized a certain pattern. The class was set up very simply. All the students where sitting in rows of 5 with 4 desks in each row, making it twenty students in all. It seemed that people were being partnered with the person behind them.

That was good, David sat behind me and he was pretty nice for being one of _his _friends. However being it that there was an important band competition today many of the students were absent, including Justin who sat in front of _him_.

What if….No Mr. Warden wouldn't do that. I would surely be partnered with Allison who was sitting 3 seats behind me. Then what about Vincent sitting behind her? Who would he be partnered with?

My heart started beating wildly in my chest as Mr. Warden got closer and closer to our row. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until Mr. Warden called his name.

"Well it seems Justin and David are both absent today so…"

_No don't say it. Please don't say it. Please anyone would be better than…_

"…Inuyasha you will be partnered with Kagome, and David and Justin can be partners when they come back. You may go ahead and sit behind Kagome"

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think. Suddenly out of nowhere my favorite teacher had turned into the devil before my eyes, and my favorite class transformed into hell itself.

Inuyasha, boy of my dreams, got up with a grunt and roughly moved to sit behind me. He glared at me on his way to his new seat, as I tried to contain my lunch from making its way up my throat. As he sat down and threw his bag to the floor, maybe a bit too loudly, I willed that same floor to open up and swallow me up whole. I wanted to escape, to disappear for ever. Of course, since when did I get what I wanted?

"Before I tell you what exactly you will be doing, I'd like you all to open up your textbooks to page 145 and with your partners read more about transcendentalism writing."

I still couldn't believe this was happening to me. I lightly pinched myself to see if I could awaken from this terrible nightmare. At that same moment I heard Inuyasha's voice coming from behind me.

"Hey! You want to get started or not."

_Seriously, what had I ever seen in this guy? _

I slowly got out of my chair and moved my desk around to face his. My actions were deliberately slow as I tried to avoid the inevitable. I was so cautious, making sure I didn't accidentally trip over my own feet or something. Finally after stalling for as long as I could manage, I sat down and faced him.

_O' yeah, now I remember. _

He really was beautiful.

He had pale smooth skin and big dark eyes the color of the warm melted honey with specks of darker brown mixed in. He was staring at me staring at him and I could read displeasure all over his face.

As I felt my face begin to flush under his disapproving glare, I quickly looked down to avoid his eyes. I cleared my throat and flipped my book open to the right page.

"Would you like to read first or should I?" My voice passed through my lips so quietly that even I had trouble hearing it.

"I don't care, let's just get this over with."

He sounded terribly bored and that irritated me.

"Ok, I guess I will read. Transcendentalism is the belief in the existence of an ideal spiritual reality that transcends the empirical and scientific and is knowable through intuition."

I continued to read until half the page before I asked if he would like to read. By the lack of answer he gave me, I just finished the whole thing myself. I was pondering what to do next when he opened his big mouth again.

"Sounds stupid."

"Well I think it's beautiful. Don't you think that there we could learn from our own thoughts and through nature?"

He looked at me for a second. Not just a glare or glance but really looked at me before giving his response.

"Um, No."

His nonchalant attitude was really getting on my nerves now. How could I have been scared to be partners with this guy?

"Is that all you have to say? No reason?" Hearing my annoyance seeping through my tone surprised me.

"Who cares about all this transcendentalism crap? Some dead guys getting together going against society to live in the middle of nowhere to gain knowledge, but they got death instead. I don't see what the big deal is."

The dismissing bell saved me from having to answer. I was quit relieved watching him quickly retreat from the classroom.

Slowly I, too, got out of my chair, and numbly made my way out of the classroom.

_Of all the rotten luck, how could this have happened? _

I was quit surprised at the sudden intensity of loathing I felt towards the man who not too long ago I was too nervous to even look at. For a few, subdued moments, I was so filled with rage that I couldn't so much as remember my constant obsession of him. But, as soon as I was home, the anger was gone, replace by the never-ending, hopeless desire.

Dinner was quiet. Like always my father and I ate in complete silence. After Mother had died two years ago, everything had changed. Life had changed, I had changed, every night dinner had certainly changed from home cooked meals to take out, and most of all my dad had changed.

He was no longer the fun loving, always smiling guy he was before my mother passed away. No these days Mr. Higurashi, well respected banker for the Bank of America, was always subdued, always brooding. It was as if he was slowly festering up on the inside letting the sorrow take over him.

At first he was there for me, making sure I was ok. He would feign a little smile as I would come home from school and ask me how my day had been. Now he didn't even pretend anymore. He didn't have the energy or the spirit to pretend anymore.

Looking at my father now, I could see that he hadn't even really touched his food. He was just playing around with his fork, making little designs in the take home fried rice.

"Aren't you hungry? You haven't touched your food."

He glanced up at me and barely lifted the corner of his lip in a half smile, more like a grimace. That's what his smile looked like these days.

"Na, not really in the mood for Chinese-again."

"Well we have some left over pasta from last night. Let me warm that up for you."

I moved to get up, but he stilled me by putting his hand on my shoulder.

"No honey, I guess I'm just not that hungry."

"Well, ok. But are you sure you're ok?"

He let out a sigh and looked down again as he went right back to playing with his food. I thought that he wouldn't answer, until he lifted his eyes again to look into my face, this time with a completely artificial smile on his face.

"Yes, I'm fine. Now I better get to bed. I have an important meeting tomorrow."

"k' Good Night, Daddy."

"Good night, princess."

I could tell that he was lying by the sadness in his eyes. What could I to help him though?

I got up and dumped the contents of both our plates into the garbage. I had lost my apatite as well.

That night I dreamt of him again, but this time it was different than the rest. Like normal it started out with a raging passion that spread like wild fire.

_His hands were all over my body as his lips crashed into mine with an undeniable urgency. He had me pushed up to the wall again, while one of my legs was rapped tightly around his waist. _

_Yet just as suddenly as he had kissed me, he let his hands fall to his sides and moved back. I cried out wanting to reestablish our earlier position, not wanting to stop. Looking up to see why the hell he was stopping now, I let out a audible gasp. His angel face had melted away, replaced by the face of a hideous monster. _

_The monster took one step towards me, and I tried to flee, yet my arms and legs wouldn't move. I was paralyzed whether from fear or something else I did not know. _

"_This is stupid." He croaked in his horrible voice. _

_I leaned back trying to escape this demon that had taken away my angel, yet the wall behind me had disappeared, replaced by a dark cliff._

"_You're stupid and pathetic," and as he said those words he pushed me off the edge. As I fell I could hear his sinister laughing ringing in my ears. _

I jumped up from my dream with a terrible shriek. My shirt was dripping with sweat. No longer the sweat of passion but fear.

The next day at school was pure torture. Unlike before, when time seemed to drag by, today the seconds seemed to be flying by. Everything was a rushed blur. I tried my hardest to pay attention to my teachers and friends. But I just couldn't focus. Every thought, every idea would sneak its way back to him.

I gave up trying to stop time by lunch. Grabbing my tray, I started towards my usual table. I could faintly my friend, Cassie talking beside me. Not really sure she was talking about, I just pretended a fake nod here or there.

We sat down together. With us today was Andy, Sarah, Melinda and David. I said my hellos to everyone, stopping to glare at David when I got to him.

So he could make it today, hu? No band concert today? I couldn't help feeling a bit agitated towards him. Because of his absence yesterday I was forced to be partners with satin himself. 

Lunch was over quickly and I was off to class again. Before I knew it, it was time for sixth hour.

Walking to class, my stomach did a little flip flop. I was really feeling sick; _maybe I could use that as an excuse. Maybe I should just ditch. _

Yet, what good would that do? That wouldn't pardon me from having to do the project with Inuyasha.

So sucking in a calming breath I walked inside and without really looking at anyone I sat in my seat. I pulled out a piece of paper, prepared to write down the project overview I knew Mr. Warden was going to give us today.

I could do this. I would do this.

"Hey."

Suddenly my senses went to frantic overloaded and I turned extremely stiff. With that little word he had moved up right next to my ear, allowing me to feel the breath of cold air escaping his lips past my ear.

"Can I borrow a piece of paper?"

I was still too shocked to really move. His voice rendering me paralyzed kind of like in my dream. But a piece of paper? Didn't he realize that I was willing to give him the world if he asked for it?

It scared me to realize that my little obsession had grown so much. How this boy had rendered me completely and utterly under his power without him even knowing it. Mostly it was his own unconscious movements that had brought me to this position.

The way he stood so tall, the flex of his muscles when he scrunched his hands into fists, his taut strong jaw, these were the cause of my undoing.

I knew I was being stupid, maybe even a little crazy, but I couldn't help it.

I was basing all my infatuation for this boy just on his looks. I knew that this was wrong, very wrong. However, my life had been so boring, so pointless before him that I think I made him into an imaginary god in my eyes just for something to do.

"Hello? Are you death or retarded?"

O. Why couldn't I have picked someone else to play to the role of hero in my fantasies? Anybody else would be better than this barbarian.

My movements still a little stiff, I turned and gave him the paper. More like, threw the paper at his big head.

"Here."

I could hear him mumble a little under his breath. I had to learn how to control my emotions unless I was just looking for a way to make a fool of myself.

Thankfully at that moment, Mr. Walden drew the attention of the class by writing on the board. 'Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer"

"Ok, so for your project you and your partner will be responsible for reading this precise narrative about a boy named Christopher Mccandless who decides to abandon civilization to live in the wild. Your partner and yourself are then responsible with coming up with your own opinions of Mr. Mccandless and then debating your views in front of the class. Keep in mind the true meaning of the romantics and transcendental writing style. You only have two weeks, so I will let you get started right away. Good luck."

And with that last word of wisdom from our good old professor, we were let free to start on the most dreaded assignment in all my life.

I turned my desk again so I could face Inuyasha.

"If one person from each group would come up and please get a book, you may get started."

I stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to get up and get the books. He stared back at me with a hooded gaze.

Was he expecting me to get up and get them?

No, I would not. I had to prove to myself that I wouldn't jump every time he bid it.

It was as if he had read all my thoughts and was testing them out.

I looked straight into his eyes, accepting his challenge as I jut out my chin in defiance. It was now down to the battle of the wills. Who knew getting books would turn out to be such a strenuous competition?

All the other groups had already gotten there books, and Mr. Warden was standing in the front of the class waiting for one of us to get ours. I felt the classes' eyes staring at us, stare at each other. Inuyasha's face was confident and he let his face transform from stoic to smug. He knew he would win. My defenses were growing weak and just as I was about to break, Mr. Warden spoke up.

"Mr. Inuyasha, please do get up and come receive the novel. I promise it really isn't that bad."

Inuyasha got up with a grunt, as I let out a sigh of relief.

I did it. I hadn't succumbed.

But the worst was just beginning. I had to deal with another two whole weeks of this torment.

Boy from my nightmares, boy of my dreams, returned to his seat and handed me the book. I could tell that he was not happy with losing the nonexistent game we had just concluded.

As before, I was the one to start up conversation.

"So how do you want to schedule out the reading?"

"How bout we both just read it separately, ok?"

His voice was a bit guff for casual conversation. However, I did not let this ruffle me up too much, or at least I didn't let it show.

"But, we are supposed to read together so we can mark each others opinions."

"Whatever."

Again? If I had to go through this every day there will be nothing left of me by the end of the week! Not to mention, I can kiss my grade good bye.

"Listen, I don't want to work with you just as much as you don't want to work with me, but can you just try to put aside your petty reason for not liking me just for this time. I really can't afford a bad grade and honestly I don't think you could either."

The words kind of stumbled out of my mouth, all in a hurried rush.

What was this? At that moment, waiting for whatever heinous reply he was going to give, I could have sworn I saw a spasm of hurt flash through his face. Or was that just his antagonism.

Slightly leaning his body more towards me, he digested my words for only half a second before answering.

"Fine. How do you want to read it?"

That was better. My guilt slightly dissipated. At least now, we could get this done without too much injury.

"Well, we should definitely try to finish the book before this week is up so we can have time to work on our debate papers next week."

"Yeah, I agree."

He agreed? Had I heard correctly or was my mind just playing a cruel trick on me? He actually agreed to something I said. I felt my breath tighten as I tried to answer.

"And I think we should try to read as much as possible in class. We can take turns I guess and well whatever we don't finish we could…. Well we can figure that out later."

"So do you want to read first or should I?"

"You can start."

He moved even closer, practically leaning over his desk, literally in touching distance. I could have so easily reached my hand over to pat his lush, honeyed hair. It looked so inviting and soft. I had to restrain my hand from inching forward.

Why was my jitteriness returning to me now? I wish it would just go away, that I could just forget my fantasizing and just concentrate on hating him. Doing both was very strenuous indeed and it sure took a lot out of me.

I felt drained. Listening to his soothing voice reading the words of Krauker was very nice indeed. But, it wasn't easy to concentrate on the words, when each word, each syllable, each sound uttered through his lips sounded like the angel's own melodious singing.

The days went by, filled with my heavenly dreams at night and hellish class during the days. But it wasn't always bad.

We both alternatively took turns reading from into the wild. He, reading one day, and I the next. When it was his turn to read, my insignificant life seemed to be filled with never-ending bliss. However, when it came to be my turn, my world would take a complete 180.

Just his presence could drive me witless. Knowing that he was sitting right there, listening to every word I said. It drove me to the edge of insanity.

With him everything was a roller coaster. Always up or down, never normal. My emotions for him could change in an instant, depending on his words. I think I was going crazy. I didn't know how much more I could take before I took the step over the cliff and into the chasm of pure insanity.


End file.
